Newsletter, Issue 8, August 2004

1. What is the energy of August 2004
2. Paradox
3. Something to smile
4. A Poem

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What is the energy of August 2004

August 2004 is associated with the energy of the number 14.
In the Tarot it is represented by the card "Art/Temperance", the principle of Integration, Synthesis and Synergy. It is not about art in the sense of creativity, but about art as a wonderful medium to work out contradictions and discrepancies - or you could say, it is about the art to turn antitheses into syntheses into theories into action. This month offers us opportunities to bring paradoxical situations into alignment and balance in order to create something new and better out of seemingly absurd starting points. This month will invite us in many situations to integrate our wisdom and knowledge about a higher purpose, rather than just accepting the so-called facts of life. If there are conflicts and disputes, take both positions and make a brand-new perspective out of it. Exercise the art of making sense of any paradoxum.

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Paradox

Etymology: Latin paradoxum, from Greek paradoxon, from neuter of paradoxos contrary to expectation, from para- + dokein to think, seem

"When you stop searching for love
you will know that you have found it"

Paradox is definitely one of my most favorite words. People have called me paradox, contradictory, controversial, inconsistent -- and every time I took it as a compliment! I can't help it but loving these attitudes, because they are so much more "real" than the so much desired attitudes consistency and steadiness. Nothing stays the same, life is movement, movement is change. All is changing, nothing stays the same. So, why would somebody try to put one's heart to the idea of consistency... isn't that paradox?...:-)

Anton says "This world stinks" and I can talk with him and nod with my head - and Berta says "This world is wonderful" and I can talk with her and nod with my head - and both will say "That's paradox - it either stinks or it's wonderful!" And the truth is, both of them represent together the paradoxum of perception! No one is right, no one is wrong, but both together create the bigger picture of reality. Me nodding the head doesn't mean I agree, it simply means that I understand, and I can understand both! (See, even a simple act as head nodding can be the subject for interpretation and gives room for assumptions!).

Anyway, does that make me acting paradox? Yes and no. Just a matter of perception and the choice of how you like to see the world...:-)

Paradoxum is an exciting subject to study, and if you have gotten more interest, please consider reading philosophy books, or for all "speed learners" you can start with this page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox
which triggers wonderful eye opening thoughts, e.g.: do you really think you know what "to be" means?
"Being" is not clearly defined (the area of philosophical study called ontology has yet to produce a concrete meaning) and thus if a statement includes being as an essential element, it may be subject to paradox.

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Something to smile

Spirit's jokes with me.

Last month, right after I wrote about fear in my last newsletter, I have been confronted with a pretty strange situation. As 1 out of 4 co-owners of a brand-new web site and business enterprise I have been told:

"We need a contract!"
"What do we need a contract for?"
"Well, for our protection!"
"Protection from what?"

And there it is again ... FEAR.

Let's face it: if this world would be how I think it could be (and I never will give up my visions!) then nobody would need a contract. But fact is that our so-called civilized society works the way it works because we are conditioned to fear. Fear to loose, fear to be betrayed, fear to be hurt, fear to be used, fear to be treated unfair - this fear goes so far, that lovers sign marriage contracts guided and ruled through the government.

And before you throw this text away, let me tell you that I have been married 3 times...:-), I just dare to think out loud anyway.

Please remember: my greatest strength is to look in the mirror, stare at myself with unbelief and break out in big laughter!

Anyway, I was confronted with this 8 pages long contract, a kind of standard bureaucratic boilerplate form written in legalese, which gave me instantly a bad feeling in my stomach. I refused in the past to "read" those things in my first language, how do you think it made me feel to have to read it in English?
But I really tried. I fought my way through, at least three times, and I ignored my childish anger about the fact, that I could shorten the entire content to one little paragraph, not to mention that the real important numbers about profit sharing simply weren't stated.

As it occurred to me that we haven't earned one little penny yet, not one sale, only investments in form of money and time, I stumbled all of the sudden into deep anger:
Anger, because I actually don't want to play this game of fear, and yet I am trying to read this boilerplate form written in legalese.
Anger, because I am aware that I am always free to choose with whom I want to work with (and I work with those whom I choose to trust), and yet I am trying to read this boilerplate form written in legalese.
Anger, because I know a better way: FIRST we earn money, and THEN we can pay lawyers to do those jobs, and yet I am trying to read this boilerplate form written in legalese.
Anger, because I have said all that before without being noticed, and yet I am trying to read this boilerplate form written in legalese.

Anger about myself, because I brought myself in the situation of being angry ...:-)

And I really didn't like it, so quickly I thought of solutions by first collecting the basic facts:

1. I don't wish to be pulled into fear based behavior
-- I do wish to act on trust
2. I don't wish to read boilerplates forms
-- I do wish to hire professionals for these jobs
3. I don't wish to have the role of the "party-pooper" in our group
-- but also I do wish to fully be and express myself

The solution:
I don't fit into this group. My perceptions and actions are so different, that will never work out, I will hand in my resignation, because I really do appreciate my stress free life, since many years now, and would like to keep it that way.

For all those "real business people" out there I must appear as screwball, dreamer, irrational and far from earth ...:-)

It felt wonderful knowing the problem, having it penetrated down to the roots and then released as well as simultaneous the anger. I decided feeling like a winner; not because I was planning to throw away my equal share on this new company, but because I once again stand up for all these things I believe in regardless of the consequences. Another thought seemed to confirm my conclusion. Over time I have learned the hard way, that projects with lots of obstacles are subject to reconsideration, to say it the least - whereas projects where everything is in the flow and things fall automatically into the right place are obviously meant to be.

It was my heart desire to talk first with one of the partners, with whom I have the closest relationship, before I would make my resignation public in our next meeting.
After a while listening to me she said "All four of us are very different, but there is a reason why we have been brought together! I appreciate you exactly as who you are, you have a function in this group with exactly your kind of input!"
Wow! A lightening could not have hit me harder. It was not as much as what she said but triggering the sudden question to myself:

Who says, it is "stress" or "undesirable" to have the role of the "party-pooper"?

Am I the victim of fear? The fear that they don't like me as much as I would hope, when I always try to change directions, change plans or insist in certain actions? The fear that my life becomes unexpected complicated?
Yeah, of course. That was quite an epiphany!

I would have chosen to leave the group for the sake of my comfort zone (and I really like my uncomplicated easy life!) and for the illusion they would keep me as a "nice person" in their memory. Rock bottom, what a stupid thing to do, what a coward I can be ...:-)

Eternally thankful for this talk, I decided from one minute to the other, to change my perception on this issue: I can be and say exactly what feels right to me, over and over again if necessary, it may appear controversial and provocative, but this too can be fun and very enjoyable, and if not then I can MAKE it fun.

And to say it very clear: so as I have the option to leave, they too have the option to leave or even to "fire" me, but I don't have to be always the "run-away" in order to keep my life on my habitual comfort level - I sure can find comfort in repeatedly standing up for my beliefs, if I just choose to perceive it comforting!

In summery: on Monday I made the clear statement that I will hand in my resignation, and on Tuesday I made the clear statement, that I will stay with this new business enterprise.

My personal paradoxum this month: I am going to like what I don't like.

Does that make me a paradox and inconsistent person?
Well, you decide...