The autonomous adenomas

I was just 18 years old. It was a sunny afternoon when I was sitting with my brand-new husband in front of our honeymoon vacation house somewhere in the Austrian mountains. I stretched my neck, tipped the head to the back and observed the clouds. In loving manner he laid his hand on my throat. The next thing I heard was: "What is THAT?"
And there it was: we discovered a growth on my throat. It was only visible when I tipped my head to the back, but I could feel it ever since I knew where it was.

After our vacation, I did what most people would do, I visited a doctor. He sent me right away to the university hospital, where they gave it the proper name, an "autonomous adenomas" or stand-alone excrescence. I got told to do nothing, but to let it be observed and therefore I also got instantly the next appointment exact 3 month later.

Living in Germany at that time, as a "wonna-be-free" and wild spirit, was not easy, facing all the "security arrangements" around the physical life. There were three dentist visits required, otherwise you would loose part of your insurance coverage. There were general body checks which people would do frequently. There was every three month the visit at the gynecologist otherwise you didn't get the birth control pill prescription. And some people need to visit on top of it the eye doctor to get their prescriptions for glasses. And so on - and then of course the examinations for all the irregular incidents. - A year, divided in all these doctor appointments, becomes really a short year!
And worse than that: everybody around me seemed to be so hopeless depending on all these self-declared "gods in white" and their opinions. It could have appeared to me, that the "natural state of body" must be a sick state, and only doctors, pills and surgery could help humankind to get out of this tragical disaster - but, I came to another conclusion, because I clearly felt, that this so-called "health-system" is sick, and NOT our bodies.

Anyway, I too was still stuck in the "whirlwind of organized fear", and so I did the second and the third appointment in the university hospital. A three quarter year all together had passed by, and my autonomous adenomas had grown remarkably. At this point it was already visible without tipping back the head, its size was 2.5 x 3 cm, quite a big thing!
My husband, my parents and friends expressed their pity and sorrow - a lot of heavy negative energy around this issue.

Then came the fourth appointment in the university hospital. After hours and hours waiting for all kind of different examinations, I finally was called into the doctors office. It was a short statement from the doctor: "It's growing too fast, this growth will turn into a malignant growth, it is just a matter of time, we don't want to take that risk. Let's talk about an appointment for the surgery."
What did he say? "WE don't want to take that risk"??? I remember, I had a laughter... "I" will be the one who takes the risk when they cut MY throat open, "I" take the risk to loose my vocal cords if they screw it, "I" take the risk no matter what else could happen ... HE takes so totally NO risk at all, he just earns big bucks either way.
I told him, that I will think about it and left.

After all, it was the hospital and all these doctors who scared me to death ... it was not the growth in my throat.
I did my research on this kind of surgery, and I found more unpleasant information than anything what would change my mind about the surgery. After short time, I informed everybody close to me about my decision:

Pooh, my family was really upset with me for quite a while, but people forget, and so they forgot this too.
My life went on, and from this point on without doctors. Although, still I had to accept the fact, that I had to visit the gynecologist in order to get the pill prescription, but whenever she tried to convince me about additional examinations, I got a big smile and said loud but politely "no thank you".
Fortunately, a few years later I also could get off the pill, because my partner at that time was sterilized through vasectomy. Yeah!
Many many years followed, in which I haven't seen any doctor at all.
My life was so full of ups and downs, so wild and intense, and the search for the "sense of life" was so time consuming, that I literally had no time ...:-) to question my body's condition. I just took it as a given, that this "perfect machine" was in service for me. I just "KNEW" that I was physically OK. A cold or flue was accepted as that what is was, simply, I went through it, and that was all there was. Some serious menstruational cramps were taken in the same manner: OK, there they are, it will pass by, and that's it. Occasional headache, stomachache, heartache, dizziness, ear ringing or other spontaneous symptoms were just accepted as messages from my body, and even though I couldn't always understand the meaning, I was never concerned and far from needing a physical doctor. I had this deep self-confident belief: "it comes by itself - it goes by itself".

Over time, not only my family but I too forgot about the excrescence in my throat. Maybe five years later, I checked for some reason my throat again, and it had lost its size by more than the half. For me this was no spectacular acknowledgment, because I had known this to be happen anyway long before.
Once more I totally forgot for a very long time about the growth, I am not kidding, and through a recent conversation about the "healing power of the mind" I tried to remember all my own success stories, so I searched on my throat ... and what can I say: it's gone, it's simply gone!

*****

I am so happy, that I have decided to allow my body to heal itself - against all false but well-meaning advice from family, friends and doctors. If the doctors would have cut out that seemingly undesired thing, I would have lost the opportunity to learn something real important: the power to heal is within me - not outside of me!
These doctors maybe never will know "WHY" that growth was there or why and how it's gone - but I know the answers to this questions now, because I first accepted the adenomas and then learned to understand the reason for this growth - ironically it is such a clear metaphor, especially in the English language: this growth was a reminder for me to start walking on the path of personal growth!